never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
that is very illegal...i love you.
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