i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
