I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
