You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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