Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Randomize
