Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
