tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
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He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
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I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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