i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
