"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
His hands were made for my vagina.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
