The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I'm getting married
To pizza
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
