would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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