You're so nebulous sometimes
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
