Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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