You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
