Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
