Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Randomize
