Your face is a jimmy john
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
