please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Randomize
