turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
