I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
