Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
