I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
im about as happy as oj after his trial
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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