I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
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I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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