i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
