I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
