we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
