Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
