I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
