I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
