i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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