your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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