Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
