I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
