Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
