Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
