the condom got lost in my hair
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
