I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
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they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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