Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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