i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
