I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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