I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
