Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
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I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
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I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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