im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
