Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
it hurts more in the daytime
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
