i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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