TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Michael Bay diarrhea
Girls should come with a carfax report
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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