so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
