Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
