U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
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