I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
