Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
