Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
