Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
