winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
