Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
