im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
