I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
