Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
