It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize