It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
