She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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