Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
