I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
