the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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