im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
