when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
