Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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